Reaching orgasm can be, well, hard, if you're not in the right position. That's why WH spoke to Christine Webber, a Harley Street psychotherapist and somatic sex coach Stella Anna Sonnenbaum, to discuss the best sex positions for female orgasm. You're welcome.
Before we start, a quick disclaimer: orgasm does not always have to be the end goal of sex, for either party. But given the 'orgasm gap' – the reality that men and people with penises are far more likely to come while getting down than women and people with vaginas – it is important to talk about the disparity.
Straight up, if you have a vagina and enjoy sex with someone with a penis, you'll know that orgasming via sheer penetration is pretty uncommon. Women and people with vaginas, as you probably know, get their pleasurable feelings mostly from the clitoris. Typically, for that reason, you probably need your clitoris to be stimulated during sex – and, in many positions, this simply doesn't happen.
So, what I can do help me orgasm during sex?
If you're having trouble reaching climax more generally, the best thing you can do is to start by learning how to orgasm on your own through masturbation. Once you can climax easily on your own, you'll find it much easier to have really exciting times with a partner.
But even if you are the queen of masturbatory techniques, you might still find it tough to climax during full sex, and this will almost certainly be because your clitoris is not getting sufficient attention.
So here are four sex positions that might help you to enjoy intercourse more – and to have fulfilling orgasms at the same time.
5 best sex positions for female orgasm
Best sex position for orgasm 1: The CAT position
(This stands for coital adjusted technique, but don't let that rather technical and boring title put you off!)
Basically, this is a face-to-face position, but the man or penis-haver rides much higher than they would in the missionary position so that their shoulders and head are about six inches higher up the bed than normal.
What this means is that their penis doesn't go all the way into the vagina. Instead, the stem or root of it is pulled hard against the clitoris – producing great sensations in that all-important little organ.
The other difference is that instead of taking his weight on his elbows, they should simply let their bulk rest on your upper chest.Clearly, if they're heavy, this might be a problem.
You can experiment with this position to get it absolutely right for you. Some people do it with the man's legs outside, but you can also try it with their legs inside yours.Many couples find they can't thrust much in this position so they kind of 'rock' together.
The CAT certainly produces very different sensations from many other positions, so it's worth a try, and it might just take you to the heights of ecstasy. I hope it does.
Best sex position for orgasm 2: The free-as-air position
The man or penis-haver lies down on their back. You face the other way and sits down on their penis. Then, in your own time, you gradually lowers yourself so that – with their penis inside you – your back is lying fully outstretched on the front of their body.
You can feel genuinely weightless and free-as-air – which is quite a novel sensation. Another bonus is that either partner can touch the clitoris easily. So it's different and fun – and usually a great time is had by all.
Best sex position for orgasm 3: The Pinner position
You lie flat on your front and they lie, face down, on top of you. They then penetrate you from behind.
But because you are flat on the bed, you get very different sensations from any rear-entry position where your bottom is up in the air. And you can slip your hand in between the bed and your body and rub your own clitoris.
Plenty of women who have never 'come' during intercourse have found that they climaxed in the Pinner position.
Best sex position for orgasm 4: The spoons position
Then there's 'the spoons'.
This is the position where you lie on your side and your partner lies curled up round your bottom (like spoons in a drawer) and penetrates you from behind.
Lots of women like this, though not all of them find it easy to orgasm on their sides. But the great advantage here is that either partner can reach down and rub your clitoris. Also, neither of you is having to take the weight of the other.
Best sex position for orgasm 5&6: Missionary with a twist
Start with a classic missionary face to face position, (lie on your back, have your legs apart, knees up, and feet planted) but place a wedge or cushion underneath the bottom of your your back, which will help elevate your pelvis and switch-up the position of the penis when it enters you.
Have the penis owner adjust the position, frequently varying the angle in which he penetrates you, with varying speed. This will help you explore different areas of your vagina, and get to know what you like.
Feel free to move your pelvis in penetration, to direct the penis (hence, your feet need to be planted to support you), and make sure you breathe, which will enhance sensation. Your partner can either kneel, or try stretching his legs out, for more weight on your vulva.
Another way you can adjust missionary is to 'close your legs so that it’s a tighter squeeze,' suggests sex expert Rebecca Dakin. 'You can even cross them for more tightness. The thrusting then will be more likely to stimulate the clitoris as it’s a more of a targeted approach.'
Anything else I should know?
Yep. 80% of vulva owners require clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, and while toys are brilliant for this, there are ways you can get your partner to stimulate your clitoris with their penis. 'Every now and then get him [the penis owner] to slide out and slide their penis over the top of your clitoral hood, before slipping it slowly back in,' suggests Dakin.
There's no right or wrong way to have sex with a partner. Every couple has to experiment to find out what works for them.
But I hope that trying out these positions will be fun – and that they may help you to have an exciting and orgasmic time.